Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

20 Ways You Can Change The World

After 3 years without watching a news broadcast or reading a newspaper, I happened to glance down at my dad's paper on the kitchen bench this morning, and curiosity got the better of me

I didn't even finish reading the first paragraph of the first page before I walked away in disgust. 

It was all about war. 

I went away feeling helpless and angry, until I remembered that we need to be the change we want to see in the world! Let's focus on what we CAN do. 

We are not victims. We always have a choice. And for every action, no matter how small, there is a re-action.  

1.) Believe that you can. The biggest mistake is to do nothing, because you thought you could only do a little.

Even if, in your entire life, you only impact one other person in a positive way, isn't that something worth celebrating?

That one person might be the first member of a family to break free from generations of poverty and violence. That one person might become the next Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa. That one person may be setting an example to her own young children.

Don't ever underestimate the power of your actions. One small gesture can change another person's life - for better or for worse. And many people doing small acts with great love can, and will, change the landscape of a society.

2. Buy Organic: As much as you can possibly afford. Research tells us that people in industrialised countries consume 6 - 7 kilograms of chemical food additives every year. So by the time our children turn 10, they've already consumed more than their own body weight in chemical food additives.

But if you are anything like me, you set off to the market with the best of intentions, only to discover that your weekly grocery budget is only enough to cover one day's worth of organic produce, and....well....intentions go by the wayside.

So, what's a savvy shopper to do?! The answer: you do the best you can. I have found that things like flours, breads, rices, and grains are easiest to go organic, because they are roughly double (give or take) what the usual price is. But meats and fruits and vegetables can be as much as 3 or 4 times the usual price.

Alternatively, you could focus on buying those foods that are more easily affected by chemicals - also known as the Dirty Dozen Foods.

Every time you choose organic over conventional, you are encouraging more farmers to adopt sustainable farming practices.

The other alternative is to grow more of your own food...Which leads me to...

3. Produce as much food for yourself. Not only is it healthy, and you reduce transport and chemicals by reducing your dependance on commercially grown produce. But there is nothing more satisfying, then picking something out of the garden, and eating it fresh.

Even if you are a high-rise city dweller, a small balcony is enough space to grow all your own herbs, and salad greens. Yes, really! And they are super easy to look after. In my experience, the easiest plants to grow for complete bumbling newbies or those who have a "brown thumb", are: potatoes, tomatoes, zucchini, rosemary, parsley, chives, mint, strawberries, aloe vera, and silverbeet. These plants are just about impossible to kill, if you plant them in the right season.

I have been growing summer vegetables for 7 years now, and never had to use a commercially-produced spray or fertilizer. To kill off pests, make up a mix of water, finely minced chilli, and finely minced garlic, and pour into a spray bottle. I spray this on the plants every couple of weeks over Summer, and have not had a problem with pests yet.

For a fertilizer, there are a couple of things I use: banana peels. You can leave them on the ground, and they leach into the soil as they rot, or you can leave them in a bucket of water for a number of days, until it is like a "tea" and pour it onto your plants.

Seaweed: Collected from the beach. Carefully rinse off the salt, then put in a covered bucket of water for a week, or until it has started to break down. Throw the remains into your compost, and use the water on your plants.

Crushed eggshells thrown on the garden. I also use the water left after steaming vegetables, on my pot-plants.

4. Let your light shine. Can kindness change the world? Absolutely!! Every act, has a ripple effect, just like a stone landing on a lake.

Do something for others without expecting anything in return, or without seeking acknowledgement.

It's easy to be "kind" when everyone is watching. Real kindness happens when nobody is watching. When we get no thanks, but we do it anyway.

Go out of your way, and do one small act of kindness every day. It doesn't have to be big and impressive. Take your neighbors bin out. Let someone in when driving in traffic. Stand up and let a tired mum have your seat on the train.
I guarantee that there is no quicker fix for feeling down, or lonely, or worthless, than helping someone else. 


5. Vote with your wallet. Many of us are scathing when we talk about large corporations razing rainforests, polluting the air, and poisoning the rivers....yet, we continue to buy their products. I think many companies play on the fact that the vast majority of consumers are time-poor and don't have time to research which companies are ethical, and which are not.

If you don't like how a certain company conducts their business, don't support them. Write to those companies to tell them WHY you are boycotting their products. If a company gets enough of these letters, I guarantee they will sit up and take notice. After all, they have to explain lost profits to their shareholders.

It's simple supply and demand. If we all stopped buying glossy magazines that glorify skinny celebrities tomorrow, do you think they would continue to produce them? Of course not.

Consumers have incredible power to effect change, but most of us don't take advantage of it. Companies rely on us for their very existence. Without the customer there is no business! Every dollar you spend is like a vote for that company and that product.

We need to stop unconsciously reaching for the product on the shelf, with the prettiest packaging and the most impressive claims on the front, and really think about what we are buying, and the message we are sending to companies.

6. Invest wisely. This is similar to the above point.

For anyone who invests in shares, choose them wisely. Do you really want your hard-earned money to be used for exploiting third world countries in the name of profit, or using sweat-shop labourers in the name of cost-cutting? There are now organisations, like Ethical Investor who will do the homework for you.

7. Reduce, Re-use and Recycle. I know this saying is starting to sound like a cliche, but I want you to really think about it for a minute. Most people think of landfill, when they hear "Reduce, Re-use, Recycle", but the philosophy is MUCH more than just landfill. (And landfill is serious enough as it is: The average Aussie family throws out 1.14 tonnes of rubbish every year.)

Think about it this way: For every piece of packaging, tin can, bottle, box, not to mention the item inside the packaging....a natural resource has been used up, chemicals have been used in the production (which eventually leaches into the soil, and then our waterways), coal-fired power was used to manufacture it, air pollution has been created, and then before it can reach your local shop, there's fuel (and therefore, oil) to get it there. 

How much pollution and waste has been caused by that one product that you didn't really need, anyway?

 - One of the quickest and easiest ways to reduce rubbish, is to compost food scraps. You don't need an expensive compost bin, just a sunny corner of the garden. Aerate it regularly, and when it has broken down, spread it over your garden and pot plants. It also means you have less need of fertiliser.

 - Why pay $5.95 for a birthday card, when you can use your kids artworks and turn them into a card that is also a keepsake? Large drawings or paintings can be used as wrapping paper. You save money at the same time.

 - Look for different uses for things, before throwing them out. There are plenty of tutorials on the internet, showing how to make utensil containers out of empty baby formula tins and all kinds of creative re-purposing.

 - If you are thinking about buying an appliance that you won't use very often, such as a laminator, or a dehydrator or whipper-snipper, think about going halves with a neighbour, or a friend that lives nearby. Not only does it cost less, but you consume less, and that means less clutter all round.

 - Realise that more stuff doesn't make you happy. Keeping up appearances doesn't make you happy. Impressing other people doesn't make you happy....Okay, you might have felt a smug satisfaction for 5 minutes, but then you're left with....more stuff, and probably more credit card debt.

 - Use cloth instead of disposable. Cloth dishcloths instead of chux/disposable cloths, cloth napkins instead of paper napkins, handkerchiefs instead of tissues, cloth nappies instead of disposable, cloth baby wipes instead of chemical-filled disposable ones, cloth sanitary pads instead of disposable, diva cup instead of disposable tampons. Not only do you drastically cut down on waste, but you save a bucketload of money, too. (And no, it does not create mountains of washing. One extra load per week, at the most.)

 - Reduce your reliance on energy-guzzling appliances. Turn the heater down, and wear warmer clothes. Open windows on opposite sides of the house for cross-ventilation, instead of turning on the air-conditioner. Hang the clothes outside instead of using the dryer (not only do they use water and energy, they emit massive amounts of positive ions, which deplete energy. Stand beside a dryer for a while, and you'll start to feel fatigued and depressed.)

8. Invest in the next generation. With everybody getting busier and busier, and families becoming more fragmented, our children need mentors and positive role models more than ever. I'm not talking about simply parents and grandparents, I'm talking about everyone. 

All of us. 

It really does take a village to raise a child.

Help out at the local school by reading to the kids, or sharing a skill. Offer the kid-next-door some pocket money to help you out in the garden, and while you're at it, teach him everything you know about gardening, and take an interest in his life. Not only is he learning a life skill, but you are letting him know that he matters.

When my eldest son was small he was a complete super-hero buff. His idea of bliss was to spend a whole day watching Cartoon Network. My dad, on the other hand, doesn't even own a TV, and didn't have the foggiest clue who Ben 10 or Hulk was....yet my son still adores his Grandpa more than any super-hero on TV

You know why?

Because his grandpa gives him time and attention. It's really that simple. He goes outside and kicks the football around with him, or races him to the shed. Little things matter to little kids...

I believe that when you take away the ipods, and Nintendo's, and "coolness", todays children are just the same as the yesterdays children. They want to know they matter. And that they belong somewhere.

For parents, it means modelling the behaviour that we wish to see in our children. Too often we are lecturing our kids about manners, while cutting someone else off in traffic. Or complaining that they never listen, while we are talking over the top of them. (Oh wait, maybe that's just me? My son pointed this out to me one day, and I was ashamed to admit he was right..)

Invest in the little people. They are the future of our world.

9. Lend your passion to a good cause. Is there an issue that really fires you up? Some injustice that breaks your heart?

Most of us never go any further than having a rant or a whinge about the world. Use your passion to make a difference. Be the change you want to see in the world!

There are SO many groups and organizations out there, for just about every issue you can imagine. Here's a few to get you started.

 - 1000 Mums Making a Difference. A group of mums dedicated to raising awareness about the additives and chemicals in our food.

 - Toogoolawah School for Boys takes at-risk boys and aims to educate and mentor them, with an emphasis, not so much on academic achievement, but on building good character. Founded by property investor, John L.Fitzgerald.

 -Kiva is an organization where you can lend money, as little as $25, to help an entrepreneur in the developing world, to start their own business. When they start making some money, they pay you back, and you can then choose to help someone else.

 - Kids Free to Be Kids are a group that fights against the sexualization of children in the media and the fashion industry, and restrict the kind of advertising that children are exposed to.

- Yasminah's Gift of Hope is a support network for those who have been affected by premature birth, stillbirth or neonatal death. It was started by a mother whose baby girl, Yasminah, was stillborn in 2009.

But you get the picture!! Whatever floats your boat! Whatever tickles your fancy! The world needs more people who actually care enough to do something about it.

10.) Celebrate wisdom and experience. Our society is obsessed with youth and beauty. The magazines are covered with skinny starlets who are famous for being, well....famous. The idealism and energy of youth are important, yes, but so are the wisdom and experience of our elders.

 - Boycott so-called "anti-wrinkle" creams. Not only are they expensive, it's highly doubtful whether they make a speck of difference. You would be better off spending that money on antioxidant fruits like strawberries and blueberries. What you put IN, will always matter more than what you put ON.

And besides, if you reach a ripe old age without a wrinkle or two, then you've either been injecting poison into your face (Botox is short for botulinim toxin, you know?) or you've never learnt how to smile. Be wrinkly and happy, not flawless and miserable!

 - Same goes with hair dyes. Hair dyes are absolute poison. Yet we put them onto our scalp where the blood vessels are close to the skin surface, and our skin literally "drinks" it in. We shouldn't have to feel that we need to cover up our natural color, in order to be successful in our careers or personal lives. Some of the most beautiful and inspiring women I know, have gorgeous, natural  gray hair.

 - Be proud of a live well lived. Be kind to yourself. True beauty lives in the spirit of a person, and the outward changes that come with the years, can never take that away.

 - Celebrate our elders. Too often, they feel invisible and worthless. The irony here, is that in today's world, we have families who are stressed and pressed for time, and would give their right arm for some extra support. While on the other hand, we have older people sitting at home, feeling lonely, and just aching to feel like they are still useful to someone. Silly, isn't it?!

Every time we speak negatively about aging, or try to hide our age, we are perpetuating the myth that old age is to be avoided at all costs. Old age has become a negative concept, because our unhealthy lifestyles mean that we are run-down, and out-of-shape (and probably on all manner of medications) by the time we arrive there. It doesn't have to be that way!!

If you live a healthy, active life, then your latter years should be enjoyable and fruitful.

There are groups like Adopt a Grandparent that aim to match up senior Australians with young families. Or you can just go to your nearest Aged Care home, and ask if there is anyone there who would appreciate some extra visitors from time to time. Ask them about their life. It would be a terrible shame if we let our older generation die without learning from their stories.

11.) Reduce your dependance on chemicals. Every time you use chemicals, they end up in the air, in our waterways, in our soil. It's really not that hard to live without chemicals. Really, I kid you not!! We only think we need them because of clever marketing.

Here's a few tips to help you cut back or eliminate chemicals in your home:

Laundry: In my washing machine, I use bi-carb soda (baking soda), and vinegar (which also acts as a fabric softener), plus a couple of drops of water-soluble essential oil, which adds a nice hint of aroma, but also acts as a disinfectant.

By the way, vinegar and bi-carb are also fantastic for keeping drains clear.

I have never owned a stain remover. Did you know that the sun is very efficient at removing most stains?  Just hang the item in the sun for a few hours. This works just fine for white cloth nappies.

Cleaning: I use a spray bottle with a couple of drops of eucalyptus oil, in vinegar. This is my multi-purpose cleaner, that I use everywhere, including showers or toilets. On kitchen benches I use straight vinegar. I never use bleach, not only is it a harsh chemical whose fumes are disgusting, but it erodes enamel after a while.

Invest in some microfiber clothes. Not only do they cut cleaning time, but they cut water use dramatically, and they make it easier to clean with all-natural products like vinegar or lemon juice.

12.) Cultivate good manners. I know there are some people who think they're outdated and don't matter.

I disagree (respectfully!).

It certainly did matter when I was heavily pregnant and had to carry my groceries home on the bus. My legs were swollen, my back hurt, and I just wanted to sit down....Except the bus-stop was full of teenage boys, just out from school, and no-one took the slightest bit of notice, let alone offered up their seat.

Of course manners matter! Every time you open the door for someone, thank them for their time, offer your seat to an elderly person, you are saying to them "You matter...You are important too".

13. Be healthy. I really cannot overstate this enough. If you want to fulfill your true potential, and make a positive difference to others, you must nurture your body properly

If you are not healthy you are probably going to struggle with hormonal issues, not handle stress very well, catch every "bug" going around, feel fatigued and unmotivated, and eventually succumb to some form of dis-ease or illness.

If you are living on a standard Western Diet, it's almost a given that you have nutritional deficiencies of some kind. In fact, science tells us that we would need to eat 10 times the amount of food that our grandparents ate, just to get the same amount of nutrients. That's because our soils are nutrient deficient. Then add in the fact that most of us eat less vegetables, and more packaged foods, than our grandparents did, and well....you start to understand why we're overweight, fatigued and stressed.

You would be surprised how far-reaching the consequences can be. Even a minor deficiency in some obscure trace element or mineral is enough to wreak havoc on a person.

For instance, did you know that hyperactivity in children can be caused by something as simple as a magnesium deficiency? It breaks my heart to think about how many children are out there,  bewildered over why they can't seem to control their own actions, constantly in trouble at home and at school, parents pushed to the brink and ready to give up....all because of a simple mineral deficiency that could so easily be fixed with changes to diet.

Or that a deficiency in zinc can cause a loss of sex drive, irritability, low immune system, and miserable PMS symptoms? How many women (not to mention their frustrated partners) are struggling with these issues, and wondering "What's wrong with me?"

Most people consider themselves to be fairly healthy. I used to be one of them...until I started doing my own research. A truly healthy person does not get cold's or flu, does not need any prescription or over-the-counter medications. A truly healthy person exudes energy and happiness.
My advice is to regularly see a holistic healthcare practitioner, such as a naturopath or kinesiologist. One that sees the body as a whole, and is committed to healing the problem rather than hiding the symptoms.

 

14.) Learn to let Go. Life is what you make it. If you choose to be controlled by your circumstances and the actions of others, then you are going to spend a lot of time, miserable and terribly frustrated.

Ask yourself if this is going to matter in another 100 years. Next time someone cuts you off in traffic, or talks about you behind your back, ask yourself if it really matters in the scheme of things? If the answer is no, then let it go, and get on with living.

The same goes for forgiveness. Bitterness and resentment are terribly heavy burdens. No matter how badly you've been hurt, learn to let it to, otherwise you are only punishing yourself.

I learnt a surprising lesson on forgiveness this year. I had been carrying around some baggage for a long time, over the hurtful actions of someone I once loved. I thought I needed to forgive him. Turns out that I needed to forgive me.

I wasn't angry with him at all. I was angry with me. For being so "young and stupid". For struggling to get over him for so long. For trying too hard. For not trying hard enough.

It felt so liberating to admit this. And so nice, to make friends with myself.

15.) Lighten UP. Children laugh on average 400 times per day, while adults laugh only 17 times a day. Laughter and fun seem to come so easily to children. As we grow up, and take on more responsibilities, we change. There is no longer the inclination to do things "just for the fun of it". We become goal-orientated, and we feel that we are wasting our time if we are not accomplishing things.

Now, don't get me wrong. Goals are good. It would be a tragic waste to wander through life, aimlessly, with no direction. But, as a wise person once said: "We are in danger of becoming Human Doings. Not Human Beings".

We don't always have to be doing something with an end goal in mind. It's okay to just be. It's okay to take time out for relaxation and fun sometimes. Tell a joke. Learn to see the funny side.

And remember: He who learn to laugh at himself, will never cease to be amused :-)

16. Exercise your Democratic Rights. Many of us in the Western world are blessed to be able to live in a democratic society. While it's not perfect, it does have a lot of positives We are able to speak out for what we believe in, we are able to use people power to bring about change.

The role of a government in a democratic society, is to represent the will of the people. This is why they are called public servants. Because they are there to serve the public!

Write to your local political representative about issues that you care about. If enough people do this, then that is how we effect change.

Signing a petition can be effective, if enough names are gathered. So can signing a pre-printed postcard, but a personally addressed letter or email will have the most impact of all.

I absolutely agree with the importance of foreign aid, and of charities and NGO's working with homeless/sick/impoverished/exploited people, but wouldn't it be so much better if the problems weren't there to start with?

Make a stand for fairer trade laws that benefit ALL people, not just those in wealthy countries.

Fight for international laws that prevent companies from using people in third world countries as unknowing guinea pigs in scientific trials.

Ask for better food labelling laws so people can actually make an informed decision about what they're putting into their bodies, and so on...

17.) Support the Little Man. Have you noticed how our cities and towns are becoming eerily similar? Social commentators refer to this as "Clone Towns". Once upon a time, you may have walked down the street and seen deli's, and coffee shops, and gift boutiques.

Now you walk down that same street, and find McDonalds, Starbucks and Subway. Travel to the other side of the world, and you'll probably find the same franchises. Our unique heritage and cultures is gradually being eroded by the " Westernization" of the world.

While these franchises and large supermarkets are convenient, they are publicly traded companies, and their legal responsibility is to their shareholders, NOT to their customer, or to the environment. That is, their first and foremost responsibility is to make as much money as possible.

Many of the "little guys" are there because they love what they do, because they believe in what they're doing, and they care about the service they provide to the community. It's not always just about the money, for them.

So, support your local butcher, and deli, and craft shop. And when you are travelling and see those quaint hand-painted signs saying vegetables for sale along the side of the road, support them too. Small family farms struggle to compete with giant multinational companies in a global marketplace.

18.) Say NO to GMO. Genetic modification of food is here with us, whether we like it or not (and most of us don't, it seems). It was introduced nearly two decades ago, and many people are still completely unaware of the fact.

It's a concept that has been heavily pushed by Monsanto Corporation, as being the answer to world hunger (this is a farce, because world hunger is not caused by food shortages, just unfair distribution of food...), lessens the use of chemicals (this is also a farce. Research shows that the exact opposite has happened, and pesticide use has increased since the arrival of GM crops), increase crop yields (another farce. Again, the exact opposite has happened.)

In India, poor rural farmers were lured into buying GM seeds, with promises of higher-than-ever-before yields, and good prices. Many farmers borrowed heavily to buy the seeds, and when harvests failed - two years in a row, farmers began taking their own life. The supposed "pest-resistant" seeds fell victim to the bollworm. They were never told that the seeds required double the amount of water so when rains failed, the crops simply withered up and died.

An estimated 125,000 farmers have committed suicide in India, since India became a testing ground for genetically modified crops.

You see, genetically modified seeds are patented. You can't just save some of the harvest to grow another crop next year, like you would with traditional seeds. They are inbuilt with so-called "Terminator technology" so that the resulting crops cannot be used to reproduce, so next year, you have to buy a whole new load of seed. AND the genetically modified seeds cost around 10 times more than the traditional seed.

It is obvious that genetic modification was never about "feeding the world", or "raising third-world farmers out of poverty". It is about creating control over the market, and making vast profits.

But wait. It's get's even worse...

Studies on the long term health impacts of genetic food modification are sketchy at best. One lab study fed guinea pigs genetically modified soy, and there was a 25% reduction in fertility after one generation. The second generation had a 90% reduction in fertility.

There are now many studies that back up this link between GM foods and infertility. (They are inbuilt with "Terminator technology, to stop the seed from reproducing, remember? Well, it's looking increasingly possible that it also stops US from reproducing, too.)

And here's another alarming thought. Once GM crops are being grown, there is no way to stop them from being cross-pollinated with other non-GM crops.

PLEASE stand up and be counted on this issue. A good place to start is Say No to GMOs which aims to raise awareness and education about the consequences of genetic engineering of our food. By the way....did you know that 90% of processed food has genetically modified ingredients in it?

19.) Appreciate beauty. It sounds so easy and enjoyable, but why is it so hard? While I think we need to appreciate the beauty of nature more - the changing of the seasons, a flower opened up to the sun, dewdrops on spiderwebs - that's not the only beauty I mean.

See the beauty in others. And see the beauty in ourselves! Too often we are our own harshest judges. Instead of seeing an amazing human body, created by the hand of God, we focus on our bits of flab, or the pimple on our chin, or the crow's feet around our eyes.

I love the words of Mother Teresa - she could see the face of Jesus when she looked upon the sick and the suffering around her. To her they were not wretched and dirty and impoverished, they were precious children of God, worthy of her time and energy.

Look beyond the outer bits, and realize that every person is priceless. Every person is beautiful in their own way - treat them accordingly.

That includes yourself.

20.) Be Yourself. It's that simple. Be-You-tiful!! Think about it...out of the millions of inhabitants who have walked this earth, in times past and times present, there's never been one that was like you, with the same characteristics, gifts, dreams, or abilities.

We are all pieces in the giant jigsaw of humanity, each one so very necessary. No-one else can fulfill the same role, dream the same dream, or follow the same path, as you can. 

So go to it! Small things, done often enough, can and will change the world.

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Friday, August 22, 2014

Short-Term Gain and Long-Term Pain

A dear friend of mine worked in an aged-care home. She was perfect for the job - naturally warm and caring and kind, all the patients adored her, and so did her boss. She was reliable and hard-working and always willing to work overtime.

Gradually over time, her boss came to rely on her more and more, until every day off was interrupted by phone calls requesting her to work overtime and fill in for other colleagues.

After a while she became tired of it and began to think about getting another job…

I wonder how many employers make the same mistake with their best employees? Lean on them more and more, until the neediness becomes stifling and burdensome, and they find another place to work? Their short-term solution (and lack of foresight) makes life harder in the long run, because they lose their best employees and then have the stress of trying to replace them.

Sometimes it pays to honestly evaluate our lives and question if our behaviors and habits and choices are working for us.

Without this kind of awareness, it can be easy to fall into the trap of chasing short-term gains which, under closer scrutiny, actually make life harder for us in the long-term. 

We’ve all heard of people who couldn’t resist the temptation of stealing or cheating or fraud in order to get quick money, and then spent years paying the price for their crimes.

But even good, well-meaning people can fall into the trap of chasing short-term gains and end up with long-term pain. The scenarios may not be as dramatic or obvious as the fraudster who wins big now and loses out later, but they affect our lives just as surely.


This seems to be especially true of parenthood. It can be so tempting to give in to that tantrum, buy that lolly, overlook that bad behavior “just this one time”…for the blessed relief of a moment’s peace and quiet. But what have we gained, really? The next time round (and there always is a next time. Kids are clever that way), it will be that little bit harder, and then the time after that, until the day we realize we have created a rod for our own back. 

I had a stark reminder of this when I first came to Tonga, and was rather disturbed to see my sister-in-law giving her 18mth old son water sweetened with sugar. No doubt it had seemed like a good idea at some point when he was upset and couldn’t be calmed down, but now the molehill had become a mountain with the boy refusing to drink water unless it had sugar added, unable to sleep without his bottle of sweetened water and waking up constantly during the night and crying for more. 

At two years old, his teeth were already beginning to rot and had to have several removed because of terrible toothaches. 

Short term gains and long term pain!

How often do we get involved in an argument with a loved one and insist that we are right. We may well “win” the argument, but the long-term resentment that begins to simmer below the surface has made our victory hollow.

Short term gains and long-term pain!

Our society has become so enamored with the convenience of “fast” food or pre-packaged food. Unfortunately, the obesity epidemic, not to mention the other epidemics of non-communicable diseases like cancer and heart disease, are the results.

We have traded short-term gains for long-term pain – literally! 

It is a false economy to think that you are “saving money” by buying the cheapest foods. Cheap white bread, cheap white flour, minute noodles might look attractive when you’re trying to scrimp and save, but any savings will soon be eroded by the cost of illness and health complaints in your malnourished body.

You simply can’t expect to look and feel like a million bucks if you’re eating from the dollar menu…

The same can be said of “fast” food or packaged “convenience” food and microwave dinners. Any time savings now will eventually be eroded by the lethargy and illness that is the end result of not nourishing your body properly. 

You’re body will never perform like a well-oiled machine if you fuel it with junk.

I spent almost the entire decade of my 20’s, drowning in credit card debt. I would justify purchases saying I needed it now, and next week I’d be able to put the money right back on. But next week came and went, and by then some other bill needed to be paid, and somehow my good intentions became a $21,000 debt.

Sometimes (like the time I rang up and ordered a package from one of those daytime infomercials about how to get rich through real-estate), I even convinced myself that it was justified because it was going to help me make money..!

Each month, we struggled to pay even the minimum payments, on top of the mortgage and all the other bills.
We finally paid back the debt three years ago, only after selling our house and paying out the mortgage. I cut up the cards, closed the accounts and said a permanent goodbye to credit cards. 

Today’s mindset of buy now and pay later has placed enormous strain on so many marriages, families, individuals. Sure, it may be old-fashioned and inconvenient to save up and wait, but the ability to delay gratification and develop patience will reap benefits in the future.

It is good to enjoy today but, in all likelihood, today won’t be our last day on earth. Don’t spend today at the expense of tomorrow...

Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Difference Between Loving Somebody and Trying to Control Somebody

It's taken me a long time to realize that some people in my life have attempted to control me, under the guise of what I assumed was love.

As they say, better late than never!

The difference between love and attempting to control has been on my mind, lately, and this is what I’ve figured out so far…

If we are loving and kind towards others only when they do what we want (but resort to silence/withdrawal, nastiness, violence or other forms of punishment, when they don’t) then it’s not really love or kindness at all. We are simply attempting to control them! 

We try to control or manipulate their behavior by rewarding them with our “love” when they please us, but punish them by withdrawing our “love” when they displease us. 

If love can be given and then snatched back when things go wrong, how can it possibly be love? 

Love simply loves, no matter what! It loves whether the recipient is absent or present, naughty or nice, returns the feeling or not. Love always seeks the path that is in the highest good of all parties. (If somebody has to lose, in order for the other person to “win”, something ain’t right. Love is not a competition!)

Love is freedom!

The same holds true whether it’s love between a parent and child, a husband and wife, or love between friends.


I know one mother who is the epitome of unconditional love. When her son was 15 years old, he got involved in drugs and crime and violence. Within a few short years, he was a dealing drugs, and constantly involved in street-fights.

His mother simply kept loving him and praying for him, and reminding him of all the values she had tried to instil in him since a child. She didn’t dis-own him, she didn’t avoid him and she didn’t shun him. She treated him with the same affection as all her other children. 

Perhaps in the privacy of her own room at night, she wept bitter tears of sorrow and despaired that her son would get himself killed before he ever changed his ways.

One night, high on drugs and alcohol, he crashed a car with four passengers inside. Thankfully, no-one was seriously hurt. He still didn’t change his ways.

His beloved father passed away. But he still didn’t change his ways.

His mother kept loving him anyway.

And then he got sick, really sick. He was taken to hospital with pneumonia, his lungs filled with fluid and for weeks he hung precariously between life and death.

Finally, he saw the light - literally.

Inside his own mind, he began to talk to God. He said: “God, if you’ve got a reason for my life, if you’ve got something for me to do in this world, then save my life and I promise to do your work.”

He pulled through and after months in hospital, he walked out of that place a changed man. He was 21 years old, and his days of dealing drugs and fighting in the streets were over. 

He gave his life to God, as promised, and his fists of rage were transformed into helping hands for the poor and the downtrodden.
(That was several years ago, and he's still keeping his promise to God, still giving away his time and his talents for free. I know, because he is a dear friend who has taught me so much about generosity and faith.)

And, although his mother rejoiced to see her son change his life, she just kept loving him…the same as she always had.

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Friday, June 6, 2014

Become The Person You've Always Wanted to Be



For most of my adult life, I longed to be a “better” person – more kind, more loving, more patient, more affectionate…

I kept putting off becoming all those things. I told myself I didn’t know how to be those things yet. There must be some secret principle I didn’t know about, because I sure didn’t feel I was ready to be all those things!  

Maybe this new self-help book would help me? Maybe I needed to “grow up” a bit more, or wait for something within me to magically change? Maybe I'd better just wait a bit longer...

I read countless books, listened to pod-casts, I watched Dr Phil and Oprah faithfully, but somehow I couldn’t figure out how to get from here (impatient, selfish, often yelling at my kids) to there (serene and loving and patient). 

And one day, I finally got it.

And "it" was so ridiculously simple!

The only way to become a better person is to…start being a better person. 

As much as we’d like to believe there’s an easier, more convenient way…there’s not. Reading another book won’t do it. Attending another seminar won’t do it. Signing up to another workshop won’t do it.

Doing it will do it!

Waiting until we feel “ready”, or until we have “enough” knowledge or resources, or until we’re “old enough” are just forms of procrastination. I’ll tell you a little secret. You’ll probably never feel ready. There’ll always be risks and unknowns and excuses. 

Self help books and listening to motivational podcasts are great for providing ideas and inspiration but the only way to make real change in our lives is to start doing.

If you want to be more patient…just start being more patient. When you start to notice your frustration levels rising, do something different rather than following the same old script. Instead of raising your voice, choose to take some deep, calming breaths and get your temper under control. Yes, it may seem harder at first, but practice makes habit.

If you want to be more loving, just start doing more loving things. Don’t wait until you feel more loving, because you might be waiting a long time. Just start doing small kindnesses for your spouse or your employees or your children or your neighbors. 

Don’t limit loving actions to your partner or your immediate family. Love is so much bigger than that!

If you want to be kind, just start being kind! Our power to choose is undermined while ever we justify our weaker points by saying it’s “just the way we are” or “it’s who I am”. 

Your kindness (or lack thereof), your patience (or lack thereof) is not who you are, its how you chose to act. Sure, some folks are naturally more inclined towards patience or gentleness or affection, but this doesn’t mean that the rest of us can’t choose to behave that way.

Personally, patience is something I've had to cultivate. It doesn't come naturally to me, but I wanted it enough to work on it. I made the mistake of waiting for years to "feel more patient" until I realized that if I chose to think more patient and act more patient, I would become more patient. And it worked. I'm now able to accept situations and setbacks, where once I would have stressed and fretted.

Our feelings always follow thoughts. When we learn to control our thoughts, we gain control of our emotions by default.

So, if there's qualities that you wish you had more of, don't wait for those qualities to be magically bestowed upon you, or to wake up one magical morning and suddenly feel patient and loving and kind...just start embodying those qualities. Think them and act them, and with practice they'll become habits.

All habits are like muscles. They grow stronger with practice, and not by merely hoping they'll come naturally to us some day.

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