Tuesday, June 1, 2010

9 Things I've Had to Learn The Hard Way

Three days ago, I didn't even know what a "meme" was. And now, here I am, starting one on my own blog. Cheeky little upstart, that I am...

Anyway. Whatever.

This meme is titled "Things I've Learnt the Hard Way". At the bottom of this post, I'm going to tag 3 people, to carry on the meme on their blogs. And hopefully they'll marvel over what a clever creature I am, and write their own post on the subject, then tag another 3 people to go next.

That's the theory, anyway.

(If you don't know what on earth a meme is; Google it, silly!! That's what I did...)

Anyhoo....this is a list of things I've had to learn the hard way. As in, reading-it-in-a-book-just-doesn't-cut-it. Lessons I've actually had to experience, before I could appreciate them for myself.

1. Women can't have it all. Forget that rubbish about women doing it all. You cannot work, be a sweet, kind mother, cook delightful meals, be on every committee, keep a spotless house, stay fit and healthy, AND keep your sanity. You simply cannot do it!!

I believe that women can do anything, if they set their mind to it. I just don't believe they can do everything.

You will either a.) turn into a stressed-out old hag, with no friends or B) turn into a stressed-out old hag with no friends.

End of story.

2. Motherhood is painful. No. I don't mean giving birth. Well, I mean that was painful. But...oh you know what I mean!! Motherhood hurts. It hurts your heart. It hurts to see your children hurting. It hurts when someone doesn't want to be friends with your child. It feels like someone has their big hands around your heart, and squeezing it for dear life. Even when it's in the best interests of your child, it still hurts.

And that's not all! It doesn't even have to be your own child. Any kid in pain will do it!!

3. It's okay to be ordinary. When I was young and thought I knew everything, I had great plans, of how I would change the world, be a super-successful businesswoman, save the orphans. I scoffed at the idea of marrying, having children, and settling into the suburbs. Boring!!

Now, I find myself married, with children, and living in the suburbs....and I'm okay with it. I am ordinary, and I'm okay with that, too.

I'm never going to be the smartest, the richest, the prettiest, or the fastest. But I'll always be trying-my-bestest!!

There are ordinary people all over the world, raising their children and teaching them well, spreading kindness, helping others less fortunate, and never getting their name up in lights for their troubles.

Forget money, it's ordinary people who make this world go 'round.

5. Credit cards are not for the faint-hearted. Hubby and I thought we were being really smart, by setting up an interest offset account, then living off our credit cards, and paying them off at the end of each month. That was the theory, anyway.

What was not very smart, was failing to do up a very thorough budget, first. Zero balance, quickly turned into a $9000 balance, and somehow that ended up as a $19,000 balance. Duh!!!! Expensive lesson learnt....

6. Marriage is not all beer and skittles. My parents never argued in front of their kids. I just assumed I would do the same...Turns out, it's one tough gig!! Despite my husband being one of the good guys, there are occasions when he makes me soooo mad, I want to kick a hole in the wall.

Hubbster recently confessed that sometimes, when he is watching tv, and I am rattling around in the kitchen, he wonders if he should put his helmet on...

In my defense...I have never been so undignified as to throw plates around. However, I do find bashing and clashing the dishes as loudly as possible, to be quite satisfying. Sort of like a Mum's-not-happy alert.

7. Computers and kids doth not a good combination make... Leaving a glass of water on top of the computer desk was not my brightest idea. Especially since a two year old terror, could reach it, if he climbed onto the bed first. Therein was the demise of my first laptop.

Luckily, I took it to some whizzkid, who was able to salvage all the files off it.

Less than 12 months later, I agreed to let me stepson use my computer. Unbeknownst to me, he was visiting some questionable "free games" sites. You know this is going to end badly, don't you?

The next time I went to use my computer, I turned it on. Nothing. Blank screen. Restarted. Still nothing. Twiddled with it. Shook it. Thumped it. Cursed it.

Still nothing.

That was the demise of my second computer.

And worse, much worse than that. I had not bothered to back anything up. Everything was lost. Ten months of MYOB business book-keeping, 60 hours of music, hundreds of photos, and countless other documents, were wiped out, and this time, no whizzkid could salvage anything.

8. You can't put an old head onto young shoulders. I always thought it was strange to hear my dad, in his 50's, say that he would never go back to being 21 again. I wondered if he was really just trying to convince himself, that aging is not so bad after all.

But I actually think I know what he means. And more than that. I agree!!! Lord, don't never send me back to 21 again, please. Oh, the stupid things I have done. Mind you, they didn't seem stupid at the time. They seemed like the height of wisdom.

What was I thinking?!?!

All those losers that I dated.....What was I thinking??!?!

Paying for everything, because the aforesaid losers had "forgotten" their wallets.....What was I thinking?!?!?

Running away with a boy I barely knew.....What was I thinking?!?!?

The list goes on. And on. And ON....What in the blazes was I thinking?

9. God loves me. You're thinking, what a strange thing to add. This has been one of the toughest lessons to learn.

I was brought up to believe that God loved me. My head knew it, but my heart did not.

Then I went through some hard, hard experiences. One after the other. Painful and bitter. And I railed against God. Who did He think He was? I questioned Him. Why, why, why???

 I fought with Him. I fought against Him.

And finally. When all the anger, and frustration, and bitterness, and grief, had passed. Finally He answered my question.

Why? Because He loves me.

Not because I am a sinner and I needed to be punished. Not because He didn't care. Not because I wasn't good enough.

No, because He loves me. Because He wanted me to grow wiser, stronger, kinder, gentler. He wanted me to become more than I was.

And I did.

The worst experiences of my life, have been some of the best things that have ever happened to me.


After much deliberation, I've chosen to tag: 1 Million Dollar Challenge: the journey of a SAHM, with a goal of becoming a millionaire before she turns 30, Give Love. Get Love; This is one of my more recent discoveries. A creative soul, trying to be the change she wants to see in the world. And Brenda at Mummy Time because she's awesome :-) I love how she is "almost grown-up". Kind of like me really. (Check out her FlogYoBlog Fridays, and Aussie Mummy Bloggers network).

Make it funny. Make it serious. You don't have to list 9. Do as many or as little as you like. It's all yours...


Claire Marie said...

Wonderful wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing.

Brenda said...

I love your list! It's okay to be ordinary!

And thanks for the tag, almost grown-up Katie.; )

bel said...

Thanks for tagging me! Love your list - I can so relate to quite a few f these. Will hopefully get a chance to do my list over the next couple of days: ) x

Glen said...

not arguing in front of your kids? where is the fun in that?

Cinda said...

Great list. So much to learn in this life......

beingzaraandzidan said...

wow! Nice blog. glad i found u. like ur thots
Gonna be baCk again
Do visit me if u get a chance