Courage and Conviction

This is going to be a very long and difficult post, while I try to sort myself out. And terrifying. Because once I "say" it, I can't take it back.


Over the last year, or so, I've had these vague feelings that there is something I'm meant to do. A mission. Something important.


This feeling would come and go, and tug on my conscience, but I could not work out, what it is I'm meant to do.


I wondered about it, I prayed about it, but still no answer seemed to come. I even sat up for hours one night, doing Steve Pavlina's How to Discover Your Life Purpose exercise. I felt like I came close a few times, but never really nailed it.


I told myself, that I am a mother, and what could be more important, than being a mother. Isn't that enough?


But still this feeling persisted.


In recent weeks, there have been so many signs, and the answer has become very, very obvious.


And it's so utterly, overwhelmingly, terrifyingly big. This task mission undertaking calling. Mind-boggling.


I hardly know where to start.


After doing some digging around, and listening to people who are far wiser than I, it has become obvious, that there are unspeakable injustices going on, in our world, and the vast majority of people have no idea it's happening.


Everywhere I look, people are suffering, and as always, children are suffering the most, while their mothers agonise over what they've done wrong. It breaks my heart, every time I think about it.


Somebody has to do something!!


I have struggled over this. Why not leave it up to people who are more educated and have more connections than I do? Why me?? But the answer always comes back: Why not me???


Evil prevails when good men do nothing.


So. This gigantic, monumental task. It involves campaigning for reforms. Pushing for people to come before profits. That sounds easy enough. Right? Right. Except that there are parties who don't want these reforms to see the light of day. And these parties, happen to be giant multi-national companies, with budgets that are bigger than some countries have. And if that's not enough to contend with, these hulking great monstrosities, also control nearly all the media. And that's not all. They "donate" billions of dollars every year, to universities and research programs, to further their own agendas, and have their "evidence" taught as truth.


It involves asking society to see things differently, when we have been conditioned to see it only one way.


It may also involve taking on studies. In fact, it may mean, spending the rest of my life studying, so that I can help people on a more personal level.


It will put me in direct opposition with the industry I used to work in.


At some point I may be referred to, as the crazy cat lady (which by the way, is my description for being slightly loony. I'm not overly fond of cats.). And if being loony means caring enough to put myself out there, then so be it.


It all seems so...impossible, but I have to believe. I have to believe, that if this conviction, this passion, was put in me, then somehow I'll be able to see it through. I have to believe that the right people will come across my path. If they haven't already...

Do I believe that those giant multi-national companies can be brought to justice? Maybe. But probably not. Money speaks all languages, and they have too many friends in high places. But thats not the point. I am not interested in revenge. I am interested in healing. I am interested in spreading awareness. I am interested in pushing for change in the "system".


I realise this all sounds very confusing. I promise it will make sense, in time. I may not post about this issue for a while, until I have something concrete to show you. Meanwhile, I will be trying to link up with others who are speaking out about these things.


And just for an extra shot of courage, here's something to cheer myself up. From that courageous man, who stood by his convictions, and managed to topple an evil regime, otherwise known as Apartheid:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (Nelson Mandela)